How to Actually Like Yourself: Internal versus External Validation

by Self-Care Tips

Let’s talk about a high achievers favorite thing today – getting noticed for their hard work. We want to succeed, thrive and get recognition. Now, high achievers thrive off of external validation – they need to be told they are doing okay. However, they don’t celebrate their high achievements. They get what they want, check it off and move on.

But what the heck is that all about? Why do high achievers do that?

Well, it’s because – more often than not – high achievers are running from something. Often times it’s that they don’t have high self-esteem or high self-worth. Their worth resides in achieving things and are constantly moving on to the next thing to achieve.

So high achievers ride the high of their achievements but they never really internal validate themselves and are never really okay with themselves.

So stop thriving off other peoples validation and thriving off your own validation.

Let’s start with some definitions:

External Validation: Seeking approval from other people

Internal Validation: Seeking validation internally

How does a high achiever start to shift from an internal validation mindset? How do you actually start celebrating yourself and loving yourself with out any need for external validation.

Start actually celebrating your wins big and small.

Without anyone else around, just yourself – when something good happens that you are proud of – LET YOURSELF BE PROUD! It does not matter how big or small this win is – CELEBRATE IT and FEEL them!

Write down all the things you like about yourself that are not achievement related. This is a great journal prompt! Think – if I were just a body and spirit without any actions, what would be the best parts? You are more than your achievements!

Ask a friend or family member what they love most about you. If the top two are a really big struggle for you, call a friend or family member and ask! Fun fact – they probably won’t talk about your achievements at all! Take that and JOURNAL about it – LOCK IT IN!

Try to do one FUN thing a week – that is not achievement oriented. Try to do one thing a week that is not focused on a goal. Literally something that is just purely fun and joy related! Practice doing it every week. You’re going to build your repertoire of things that are actually fun for you in your life that have nothing to do with achievements and are solely about you! It’s a great outlet for you and can be a way to connect with your inner being without turning to achievements.

Self-Care and Mental Fitness.

Start engaging in a regular self-care regimen because people who are externally validating are giving to everyone else and never themselves. To build the internal love and validation you have to sit with yourself.  You need to get out of the hustle and into the inner world and you will find peace.

Here is the final secret I will share – I say this often – but

We do all this work on ourselves so that the external stuff impacts us less. 

As overachievers, we tend to let the external world impact us A LOT.

So, as a high achiever, you have to continually remind yourself that you are worth more than just a list of achievements.

What you actually want is to be seen, loved, and valued for who you are.

Just keep on truly focusing on you – it starts with you!


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Burnout Coach Kat Kiseli

Hi, I’m Kat

I’m on a Mission to Help High Achievers Find Happiness & Balance


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