We spend so much time worrying what people think and lose ourselves.
THE NUMBER ONE THING HOLDING YOU BACK IS YOUR INCESSANT NEED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE CRUSHING IT.
High Achievers struggle with all the things I mentioned above because they validate externally, and they do not internally feel valuable unless they succeed. They feel like they have to overextend themselves, which comes down to putting everyone else as a priority.
So, let me ask you about the last few BIG problems you have had in your life. I guarantee a lot of them are going to come down to a time or an overwhelming situation. BUT what does that time and overwhelm come down to – NOT having boundaries and prioritizing yourself.
I will call my story out to provide context.
1. I was feeling burnt out because I felt this need to prove myself in all areas of my life. I was proving myself to my bosses at my 9-5, proving myself to my friends and family by being available, proving myself to my coaches and mentors by always showing up on calls, proving myself to my professors by being the best student, and proving myself to my fiance by doing all these chores.
I wasn’t proving anything to myself! In this scenario, I am spending all my time working FOR OTHER PEOPLE. When I started proving things to myself and asking what I want – the burnout felt a bit better.
2. About 3-5 years ago when I went through my period of struggle with an ex-boyfriend, I spent a lot of time worrying all about how I could get him to be okay with me. Then, when we broke up, I went on dates trying to be enough for all these dudes and be this persona that they would like.
But where in this scenario was I trying to date myself?
3. When I worked for the government and worked 10 hours + a day, I did it because I felt like other people would judge me if I did not work as long as them.
4. I have said yes to plans many times because I felt people would hate me.
And the list goes on… and that is the CORE problem!
I am sure some of that list resonates with you too.
So, my point here is that the problem is that you keep trying to be everything for everyone to prove something but you are proving nothing to yourself. Your higher self… your best version… needs some damn prioritization once in a while.
Seriously? Have you ever went off the grid and felt super refreshed? It’s because you stopped all the unrealistic expectations and self-induced guilt trips over what other people might think. Other people suck the life out of you even though they don’t even do it intentionally – we make them suck the life out of us – because we allow them.
Stop making other people suck by focusing on building your relationship with YOU. Soon, if you show the world that you have strong boundaries, you will be attracting experiences that foster that and a lot of toxicity will go away. Shut out the noise because at the end of the day, we all should be doing this and we all should not be getting pissed at other people for taking care of themselves.
Resentment is a sign that you have disrespected your own boundaries!
Whether that be scrolling on your ex’s page that you said you would not do and you would block them or saying yes to the plans you are not wanting to do or saying yes to the overtime at work when you know you needed time with your partner or making plans for that day you had originally had for yourself – you caused your own resentment because you crossed your own boundary.
So what about YOU? Let me ask you this: If you were on a deserted island and had access to unlimited resources and time, what would YOU do?
Okay next exercise, in any given scenario, when you have a choice between yes or no, follow your gut and see if it is a HECK YES or a no. If it is not a heck yes it is a no. If you then go “oh but…” remind yourself: what would I do if no one else had a say? What would I do if my decision made EVERYONE happy no matter what I did?
My final point: you can have it all in this life, you busy high achiever!
BUT you have to start by cutting out the BS!
So, if you heard this and thought – damn she is right… then cut the crap and start taking care of yourself.
If you heard this and feel like you need people to tell you what to do, then let me ask you: does that ever feel satisfying?
This can be so subtle – and even if you think you put yourself first (which I used to think because I worked out and went to work and like was a workaholic – I was actually putting the system of my job ahead of me not other people – still people but just the establishment; I was putting the agent process as my metric for working out not health) – so think twice before you say I am so busy working so I am putting me first. It ain’t putting you first.
Putting you first is taking a damn break and working out in ways that feel good, not ways that meet someone else’s goals.
Go forth and set up a world with you as the main character. One of my clients said that and I loved it.
If you need support in this area of putting YOU first, I got my 1:1 coaching open for 4 more slots. Click HERE and book a call to chat more about how I can support you!